When In Israel...

It's Hanukkah in Tel Aviv. It's also Christmas, but I mean, c'mon. We're in the "Jewish State". Who cares about that, right?

Anyway. Tel Aviv is a coastal city in Israel. It's unique because it blends beaches, clubs, fashion, shopping, and liberalism with well, Jews. Tell someone who's been to Israel that you're going to Tel Aviv and they'll say, "Oh, you just HAVE to check out this club!" or "You simply MUST stop by this jewelry store!" or "Stop telling me your travel plans."

That goes for all of Israel. There are always those place you just HAVE to see or that you CAN'T miss. Well, I don't buy it. So here is my official list of Things to Do in Israel.

1. Buy a McDonald's Hamburger (and/or go to "Burger Ranch")
Good. Kosher. Two words never spoken inside of an American McDonald's. But in Israel, you might actually find that their McDonald's is both. Look, it's not frickin' Filet Mignon, but their meat is interestingly better than that of our Mickey D's. Also, their own version of McD's/Burger King is Burger Ranch, which features a bull(?) doing its thing.

2. Celebrate Christmas in Bethlehem
Christmas in Israel is like a rich spoiled kid who is sent to a crappy boarding school. He's kind of put aside and isn't used to the lack of attention. But if you look in the right places, he has some major potential. The same goes for Christmas in Bethlehem. Or so I've heard, I've never actually been.

3. Go to the abandoned Syrian bunker in the Golan Heights and play "War"
The bunker used to be a Syrian position in the Six-Day War of 1967. It's really cool, inside of a mountain, and surrounded by trenches, which are great for games of "War", "Spy", and of course, "Nerf Gun War". There's also a quaint cafe. AND you can see Lebanon and Syria. AND, if you're lucky, you'll get to talk to some people from the U.N. who are in charge of overseeing peace in the area.

4. Drive in Jerusalem
A holy city for Jews, Christians, and Muslims. It's also a city originally made for horse and buggies which is why the traffic is so God-awful (no pun intended). Plus Israeli drivers are kinda crazy.

5. Eat your body weight in pita and hummus

Self-explanatory.

Facial Hair

Stop it. Just cut the crap. I know you like it. That beard. Dumbledore's white beard. That Stats teacher's goatee/mustache thing. You like facial hair. Curly mustaches make you happy. You'd kill to be able to see some solid mutton chops. But you're afraid to admit it.

It's okay. There is certainly a trend in society that says that facial hair shows that a person is unkempt or unclean. And I suppose that argument can work in some situations. Take our friend Jim from the Office here:



Clean-shaven Jim has a smoother, more sleek look to him. But look at beared, rugged Jim. He has the wisdom of centuries on his face. He could kill a tiger with his bare hands.

See, beards have existed since before we were born. In ancient times, shaving was much, much harder. I'm taking blood everywhere. On top of that, your beard was a mark of your age and maturity in society. Men would be ostracized and exiled for not having a beard (which is totally true and is what should happen to Zach Galifanakis in this picture).



Now, it is harder for people with beards to get jobs, unless they are hair dressers or generally otherwise charming. The truth is that beards lie. They don't show the amount of effort put into their creation. Their sculpted edges and mustache/chin beard synergy are routinely ignored. Thus, people shouldn't be shunning bearded men. They should be hiring them by the thousands!

As winter approaches and money remains tight, both men and women need to think of ways to keep themselves warm. Luckily, Mother Nature has your back. Men, grow that beard out proudly. Women, keep your face close to your man's face. Problem solved. Say goodbye to wasting money and electricity. How you like dem apples, CLIMATE CHANGE?!

I Can't Feel My Feet

I've come into contact with a reoccurring theme of my life: uncomfortable shoes. For those who don't know, I have giant feet. And not in a good way, if there is a good way. I'm talking size 13. 13 wide. Do you know who makes easily available 13 wides? New Balance and sometimes Nike. That's it. Sure, New Balance is the most comfortable thing in the world, kinda like bathing your feet in warm water in heaven while an angel feeds you grapes. But they don't like so good and they get dirty quite easily.

So I did something a couple weekends ago I've been doing since I was 12 years old; buying a poorly-fitting pair of shoes. Here she is:

They're from "Eastland" and they look really cool. They work quite nicely all types of clothes. They're also one of the most painful pieces of various materials I've ever put on my large but delicate feet. Oh my mother-loving goose-stepping finger-licking God. They hurt a lot. But wait, they look really nice. And I've needed a pair of sharp looking casual shoes for, well, ever. Any shoes like these are going to hurt. Does that mean I shouldn't wear them? That's not a rhetorical question. I'm seriously asking. I'd like to stop wearing just Nikes, New Balance, and the occasional Converse that can stretch, but my poor little five-toed buddies just can't take it. It boils down to comfort vs fashion, a crucial battle in humanity, besides the Crusades, the World Wars, Israel-Palestine, Iron Chef, etc. Comment, share, or just think about it.

The Next Bill Shakespeare

Don't ever leave Cameron Alberg by himself on the interwebs. Here is the result: (it's actually quite an intriguing story)

heeellloooooo
and top o the mornin to ya
I SAID
BLERG
wait, thats not what i said
and a good day to you, ma'am
and then he was all alone
the last man standing
all the others were sitting
so he walked
alone
in the dusty corridors
until he came upon a small goat
which he named yarvin
and so on and so forth. he and yarvin went on to do grand things
climbed the mountain of yore
ate the tibetan tribal snacks
descended into the depths of ulrag's basement
 it was all great and awe inspiring
until that fateful day
yarvin, sweating from his daily calorie burning marathon run, walked into the saloon, cold and alone
he who was not there didnt know what to say
because alas, he was not that
or there
so yarvin picked up his sad misshaped hooves and placed them on the counter
"baaaah" said he
the bartender looked up in confusion
suddenly, ulrag burst in through the swinging doors
he stood there, glistening in the pale moonlight
he was a heavy man, with legs that went all the way up to his knees
arms that connect deftly to his shoulders
eyes, placed right in the middle of his face
a smile that had teeth in it
he was not a happy man
he was an ecstatic one
 he grabbed yarvin in an old fashioned goat hug
and they wrestled for fifty days and thirty nine nights
some may say, what happened to old yarvin
nothing, he was perfectly fine, as ulrag had bestowed upon him a great gift. the gift of scoobalicious
and so on they trod, in search of the fabled folk lore of the lore
the lore folk, as the locals called it
the folk folk, as the pigeons called it
and the bad sandwich, as johnny called it
and on they trod
searching for a morsel of cheese hair
but alas, there was nothing but a sad sack of bushels to their wayside
and it was there, on the 62nd day, that yarvin did save his grandpa


Yikes.

Da 'Burbs

Today was an interesting day for me. After a late night, I had to wake up early (on a Sunday, mind you!) for a variety of activities. I was doing some volunteering over here, and I'm going to be doing some meetings over there. Not that I'm complaining. My day gave me a chance to explore a place that I go to half as much as I'd like to and not nearly as much as I should go to. The suburbs. The north suburbs. Today, Lincolnwood and Deerfield.

We'll start with Lincolnwood. I like it a lot here. I think of Lincolnwood as a crossroads of sorts. It's the gateway from the bustling city of Chicago to its more relaxed northern suburbs. There's some large malls, filled with gems like the Jewey restaurant, "What's Cooking?" and a bunch of shady motels. "River Park Motel" and such. My grandma lived in Lincolnwood for forty plus years, and her block was the source of my entertainment on the weekends, including but not limited to playing "Spy", Hide n Seek, and just straight up run in circles.

Unfortunately, Lincolnwood is getting older. This fancy graph that I totally made myself and didn't Google gives the population by age of the town and compares it to the state of Illinois and the United States:



Take a look at how Lincolnwood has more than double the percentage of people 75 and over than the United States, while only about half the percentage of 25 to 34 year olds, a key demographic in any region, city, town, village, or large tent encampment.

Lincolnwood definitely isn't a Jewish town, but there are a significant amount of Jews in it. Speaking from that perspective, a lot of families (like my grandma's) settled in Lincolnwood and other north suburbs in the '60's. Their kids (like my mom) went to suburban schools. However, a decent amount of those kids (like my mom!) either moved into Chicago or to a different city altogether.

Not to say that this a definite, universal trend. Plenty of people, Jews and non-Jews, are chilling in the suburbs. But the data from Lincolnwood illustrates this trend.

On the other hand, Deerfield seems to be doing just lovely. Here's another pretty graph:


There are definitely more 45 to 54 year olds in Deerfield than the national average, but then again, there are also more people aged 0 to 17. So it's possible that the 45 to 54 year olds are parents. Now I've been to Deerfield like 4 times in my life, but from what I understand, she's doing pretty well for herself. I"m heading up there in a few minutes, so I'll be making some important, pseudo-scientific observations. My reports will be available to the public, so keep your eyes opened.


Graphs source: clrsearch.com

Notable

This is a song that makes me happy: 

This song makes me sad: 

This song makes me calm: 

This song makes me angry:

This song makes me laugh: 

This song is one of my favorites: 

JUF : Teens : Meet the Teen Leaders : Noah Feingold

JUF : Teens : Meet the Teen Leaders : Noah Feingold

Me and Mrs. Jones

I have no idea why I titled this post as such.

Who's the only person that you're going to be with for the rest of your life? Not your mom, dad, brother, sister, or closest friend. You. You're the only person you're guaranteed to know from birth to death. So start getting to know yourself. And getting used to yourself. I see people I know unable to come to terms with themselves. And when they can't come to terms with themselves, they don't like themselves. And then they take that out on other people. Including you. And me. And that's just unpleasant.

I don't like speaking so vaguely, so I'll talk about something concrete. Today is Halloween. I saw a woman by herself dressed as a washing machine, casually sipping on a carton of chocolate milk. This was at around 8 pm. What was she doing? What event could she go to as a washing machine? At 8? On a Monday night? Like, what's even the purpose of Halloween if you're at the point where you are a laundry room appliance drinking a sugary beverage? I don't understand.

It is Getting Colder. Outside.

It is getting colder outside.
The leaves fall off of the trees.
The kids play on the slide (what?)
The men hunt the bees.

It is getting colder outside.
Ladies put on fur coats.
To school I will need a ride.
I'm not in the mood to take notes.

The air is cold.
The breeze full of ice.
Dear lord I'm going to fold.
Something related to mice.




Next time I apply to college I'm going to do my essays a little earlier. It is indeed getting cold outside. But I'm cool with that. I like fall. I think I'm the only person in my group of friends who likes fall more than summer. You never remember anything in summer, it's just the beach and laziness. But fall makes you realize that winter is coming, and you savor every warm day.

First World Protests

The Occupy Wall Street movement is being a bit under-reported in the mainstream media, but it's happening for sure. (occupywallst.org). I was watching a Youtube video of one of the protests, and I saw a man claim that this was the next Arab Spring. And THAT made me think about how Occupy Wall St is nothing at all like the Arab Spring.

When we protest on Wall St and a police officer unjustifiably sprays peacefully-demonstrating women with pepper spray, it shocks the country. But when several people a day are murdered by their own government in Syria, we do nothing.

Another thing is that OCWS needs to have clearly stated goals. I've heard it referred to as everything from the Left Wing Tea Party to the place for the whole 99% (of people who don't own most of the country's wealth) to come and protest, regardless of political affiliation. What, specifically, are they trying to accomplish. So much more could be done if specific goals related to legislation and the ousting of certain political leaders was stated.

I don't know why I'm bashing on this so hard. It seems to me that finally some sort of nationwide social protest is beginning to emerge (see occupytogether.org) like it already has in countries throughout the Middle East and even Europe and Latin America. I think I want this to succeed so badly that I'm pointing out the flaws out sheer nervousness. Americans have been apathetic about politics and social justice for waaayyy too long. Hopefully this doesn't become some mindless movement that just holds up signs saying "Make things better!!!"

Here's a clip from George Carlin, talking about why he doesn't vote.

I love George Carlin, but did he ever try to change anything?

The Coming Apocalypse

(Zombie, disease, nuclear war, end of resources, or other).

I decided to write about something very random that I've been thinking about. Partially because I don't want to do homework and partially because just writing about anything is very relaxing and distracting. Keeps me from thinking about the stabbing pain in my side that I should probably get checked out. Seriously though, if you know a person who looks into those types of things. Call me.

Anyway, a couple of friends of mine who wish to remain anonymous (Jimmy Harper and Wynton Graise) and I had a 45 minute discussion in class yesterday about two topics: how would we survive a collapse of society, and how would we organize ourselves if stranded on a desert island.

The question about society's collapse was definitely more multi-layered. How would we get fresh water? Protect ourselves from looters? Survive on something besides sugary foods taken from 7-11's? Barricade our houses?

Would we move to a remote farm or island? Would we fortify our own house and occupy other empty apartments/homes?

No doubt, it was one of the nerdiest conversations to take place. But with the Dow dropping 3% today, conflict in the Middle East, disease and starvation all over the damn place, nuclear proliferation by Iran and possibly other countries, and constant use of resources (coupled with climate change) a global collapse is at the very least plausible some time in the future. Even I, a master of survival, will admit that living in an electricity-free world with no infrastructure for a prolonged period of time (like years) would be more than difficult.

Similar to all that, when I asked my buddy good 'ol Alice what 5 foods she would take with her if she was barricaded in her room for years. Not only did she NOT go with my golden choices of rice, bananas, steak, eggs, and cake, she picked PIZZA, ICE CREAM, and other such unhealthy foods. Which made me think: given the ultimatum of eventual death, would we choose to prolong our situation for as long as possible, or die in comfort quicker? My answer may have to be revised.

This was quite a rant. But it was fun for me. I hope it was fun for you. Here's a couple British people doing a Michael Caine impression:

Musics Part 2

This'll be a quickie, because it's late and there are some things that I should be doing that I am in fact not doing at this current place and time.


I've gotten a couple really good songs recently, and when I listened to them for the first time, they literally gave me chills. The music was that good. Somehow simply hearing a combination of sounds gives me a physical and emotional reaction. Like when I play Eminem while entering the school and strut in like a b0$$. Certain songs can literally lift (or lower) my mood.


Music, in a strange way, is also a deterrent against the blending of memories into one mish-mash of monotony and occasional excitement. When I shuffle my music library and a song comes on I can pinpoint when (within a month) I got it and what was going on in life at that time. Similar to a picture, it gives me a weird flashback or snapshot of the time period that it originated from. My "Best of" CD's for Queen, the Who, and the Rolling Stones are embedded in my memory as a 16th birthday present, while I got most of my music by the Roots right after the winter of junior year.


People say that music is slowly becoming worse and worse. I guess in some ways it is. But if that were true, the songs that I listen to now wouldn't have the effect on me that they do, because they would be bad. Yet particular songs can take me away from where I'm sitting to a completely unique place. Treasure your music and consciously remember it, instead of mindlessly getting a bunch of songs. 


If you do, your music can become a sort of scrapbook of your life, which I find to be a really interesting concept to think about.


Let me know what you think about this and whether I'm just crazy or this actually makes sense to you.








Regardless of all that ^^^^^^^^, get LA Woman by The Doors. One of my all time favesies.

The Stigma of Jewish "Youth Groups"

Organized religion is on the decline. In a few decades, it will be the remnant of a different type of society. The numbers show that. There are a few reasons. Teens and kids are always the next generation for a church, synagogue,  mosque, or other place of worship. When they don't go in their early, formative years, they're likely to not go in their adult years.

I myself am the co-President of my synagogue's "youth group". Right there, at that sentence, you judged me. Likely you are thinking that I believe in God, pray at least semi-frequently, and am doubtful of science. In fact, only one of those three things are true. I believe in God-kind of. But that's a different topic. The point is, the connotation that these youth groups have are largely negative and boring to those not participating in them has stuck. When I think "youth group", I immediately picture a group of stern, Christian kids in a circle reading Scripture. I personally wouldn't want to associate with people like that, who have no sense of fun.

When I hear "Jewish youth group", I picture a bunch of suburban Jewish white kids aggressively praising Israel and living in a bubble. But I know from experience that that's not the case. The grouping of youth that I am a part of is called SHMUSY. I hesitate to call it a youth group because 1. We don't have prayer sessions or Bible/Torah study sessions (a phrase that makes me cringe when I think about) 2. None of us are significantly religiously Jewish. 3. It's less of a youth group than it is a collection of Jewish kids from the city looking for free food and fun place to hang out on Tuesday nights and do events on the occasional weekend.

The problem is that when I ask even close friends or acquaintances to come to a Tuesday night (often barbeques, board games, Guitar Hero, or discussions about things like whether Israel is an oppressive regime or not) I can literally see them internally cringing.

And I don't blame them. Like I said, I'd do the same thing if someone asked me to come to their "youth group". But they have common misconceptions that are preventing them from having a genuinely good time. They will not be preached to. They will not have to study an "ancient texts". In fact, the only thing they HAVE to do is show up. SHMUSY is in essence the Jewish Student Union at a different location and time.

I've been participating in SHMUSY since 6th grade. That's 6 years of my life. As I got older I spent more and more time in SHMUSY. I've probably spent over 500 hours doing SHMUSY related things. That is a disgusting amount of time. There is simply no way I would invest that much of my time over the years into a single activity if I did not truly have a great time doing it.

Some of my non-Jewish friends have asked me why only Jews are allowed to SHMUSY. I've asked the same question of the rabbis who work on Anshe Emet. And what I've learned from those talks and from my (too) extensive reading of Jewey books is that the issue of assimilation for Jews is touchy. For well over 3,000 years Jews have been in situations where they could assimilate and lose their traditions, or stay separate . Nowadays we have struck a balance. Based on a Jew's understanding of the traditions, they will choose to only another Jewish person. This stems from a long, long, long, troubled history of persecution because of our Judaism. So it's understandable why Jews have been uneasy with intense mixing with other faiths.

Maybe after reading this you'll come to a Tuesday lounge night, at 7pm at Anshe Emet. Or not. Just understand that if you think this is a training grounds for religious Jews, you're more wrong than the head of the US patents office in 1899 when he said, "All the things that can be invented have been invented".

Musics

I recently passed the 2,000 song mark on my iTunes library. Currently it is at 2,025 mp3's, not including podcasts. Until a couple weeks ago, that was something I felt ashamed of saying. I have friends with between 3,500 to 6,000+ songs. One of my substitute teachers claimed that he had over 30,000(!) songs. He was pretty chill, so I didn't deny it.

I used to tell people that I could name the artist of any song on my library within five seconds of the music playing. I can do that for most of the music now, but definitely not all of it. Looking back, it seems like I said that because I wanted to make it seem that people who had lots of music just downloaded it by the truckload, while my music was selective and carefully handpicked.

Between 6th-8th grade, I only listened to hip-hop/rap (gasp!). Starting freshmen year, I mixed it up and got really into classic rock, particularly the Beatles, Stones, Who, Queen, but eventually the Grateful Dead, Van Morrison, and Eric Clapton. That era peaked mid-sophomore year.

Now, I like to think that I have a good taste in music. When I "Shuffle" on my iPod, anything from Van Morrison to Lady Gaga to the Sex Pistols to Odd Future could hypothetically appear. But who cares about that? How many times have you been asked, "How diverse is your music collection?" No. You get the same question every time: "What do you listen to?". My answer would be music.

Besides country.




Comment, share, enjoy.

Nothing in Particular

I was going to write about this video game I was playing and how it played to our lives. But I fell asleep thinking about that topic, so I decided to talk about the futureeeeee. The time we're in right now is one of turmoil. Gas prices, the environment, the Middle East, Europe, all of those things are nearing a point in time where their problems will be too great to repair. But we don't know when that is. Or what it's going to look like.

Do you remember that whole Rapture thing? When some pastor said that the Rapture, when good people ascend to heaven, would happen at a certain date at 6pm, people had mixed reactions. Most dismissed him as crazy, ignored him, or made fun of him. But a significant amount of people sold their possessions and toured the country proclaiming the date of the Rapture. All of their possessions. I was in the group of people who happened to respectfully disagree with the pastor's claims. But when 5:59 rolled around, I got slightly nervous.

Why? I was confident nothing was going to happen. But the point was that I didn't know. However sure I was, I just couldn't know. Just like all that shit that America and the world at large has to deal with. We just don't know what's going to happen. Weird thought. End of the world in 2012 is bullshit. But who the hell knows? We just can't know. It's hard to think about.
Alright, that's all. I'm going to go do something else now.

Libya and the Hunger Games

So I know that the percentage of people that are both following the situation in Libya and have read the Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins is quite small.

But has anyone noticed the weird similarities between the two? In the Hunger Games, the Capitol (Tripoli) is the rich center of Panem (Libya) while the rest of the Thirteen Districts (Benghazi, Misrata, etc) suffer in poverty and oppression by the Capitol's army. Eventually, a rebel uprising takes out the army forces in the districts one by one until they finally surround the Capitol (Tripoli).

The next part of the story is a fifteen year old girl unintentionally killing the dictator of the Capitol by shooting the rebel leader with a bow and arrow, so I don't know how that will play out in Libya. I'll be watching closely.

Invisible News!

30 rockets hit Israel today from Gaza! That's about a rocket every 48 minutes. But did it really happen?

Major news sites like CNN have nothing on their front page about the multiple rocket attacks, instead using headlines like "Hamas military calls for end of truce with Israel". Even Yahoo! News, with it's 58 million or so viewers, has nothing about the rocket attacks. But they do have "Egypt decides to withdraw ambassador from Israel".

Sounds like Israel is the bad guy here. But then again, if Mexico shot 30 rockets in one day into California, our headlines would probably be "Mexican ambassador withdraws from the US", right?

PS: Since when is Hamas a legitimate "military" and not a terrorist organization, which it is classified as by NATO, the EU, and the UN? Did I miss that memo? Hello?

The UN(-able to do anything)

Funny title, I know.


But seriously. Today Syrian President Assad officially ended "military operations" (CNN) in his country. Some accounts say that 250 people were killed since SUNDAY. Not Sunday in April. This Sunday four days ago. (Five days, it's getting past midnight). But thankfully we have the UN to help us...express alarm at the situation?


Yes, Secretary General Ban-Ki Moon made an important step from condemning actions in Syria to expressing alarm at "reports of human rights violations" (http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/meast/08/17/syria.unrest/index.html).


I'm going to offer up a helping of really? Reports? C'mon, only all news stations (ranging from those in Israel to frickin' Al-Jazeera) have unanimously covered accounts from refugees from the country describing what was going on.


It's been like 3-4 months since the situation started. Darfur took place in 100 days. Step your game up Ban. How's about you actually do something?


Granted, there may be something actually concretely being done by the UN that I am too close-minded or too lazy to know/find out about. Let me know if that's the case. But still. Get it together.


The end of the rant.

Crunchy on the outside

First blog post ever!

I'm not sure what road I"m going to take with this thing, if any road at all.
Maybe it will be the Jewish road.
Or maybe the "right now I'm scratching my nose" constant blogging road.
Or the Rocky Road.

Stay tuned.