I Can't Feel My Feet

I've come into contact with a reoccurring theme of my life: uncomfortable shoes. For those who don't know, I have giant feet. And not in a good way, if there is a good way. I'm talking size 13. 13 wide. Do you know who makes easily available 13 wides? New Balance and sometimes Nike. That's it. Sure, New Balance is the most comfortable thing in the world, kinda like bathing your feet in warm water in heaven while an angel feeds you grapes. But they don't like so good and they get dirty quite easily.

So I did something a couple weekends ago I've been doing since I was 12 years old; buying a poorly-fitting pair of shoes. Here she is:

They're from "Eastland" and they look really cool. They work quite nicely all types of clothes. They're also one of the most painful pieces of various materials I've ever put on my large but delicate feet. Oh my mother-loving goose-stepping finger-licking God. They hurt a lot. But wait, they look really nice. And I've needed a pair of sharp looking casual shoes for, well, ever. Any shoes like these are going to hurt. Does that mean I shouldn't wear them? That's not a rhetorical question. I'm seriously asking. I'd like to stop wearing just Nikes, New Balance, and the occasional Converse that can stretch, but my poor little five-toed buddies just can't take it. It boils down to comfort vs fashion, a crucial battle in humanity, besides the Crusades, the World Wars, Israel-Palestine, Iron Chef, etc. Comment, share, or just think about it.

The Next Bill Shakespeare

Don't ever leave Cameron Alberg by himself on the interwebs. Here is the result: (it's actually quite an intriguing story)

heeellloooooo
and top o the mornin to ya
I SAID
BLERG
wait, thats not what i said
and a good day to you, ma'am
and then he was all alone
the last man standing
all the others were sitting
so he walked
alone
in the dusty corridors
until he came upon a small goat
which he named yarvin
and so on and so forth. he and yarvin went on to do grand things
climbed the mountain of yore
ate the tibetan tribal snacks
descended into the depths of ulrag's basement
 it was all great and awe inspiring
until that fateful day
yarvin, sweating from his daily calorie burning marathon run, walked into the saloon, cold and alone
he who was not there didnt know what to say
because alas, he was not that
or there
so yarvin picked up his sad misshaped hooves and placed them on the counter
"baaaah" said he
the bartender looked up in confusion
suddenly, ulrag burst in through the swinging doors
he stood there, glistening in the pale moonlight
he was a heavy man, with legs that went all the way up to his knees
arms that connect deftly to his shoulders
eyes, placed right in the middle of his face
a smile that had teeth in it
he was not a happy man
he was an ecstatic one
 he grabbed yarvin in an old fashioned goat hug
and they wrestled for fifty days and thirty nine nights
some may say, what happened to old yarvin
nothing, he was perfectly fine, as ulrag had bestowed upon him a great gift. the gift of scoobalicious
and so on they trod, in search of the fabled folk lore of the lore
the lore folk, as the locals called it
the folk folk, as the pigeons called it
and the bad sandwich, as johnny called it
and on they trod
searching for a morsel of cheese hair
but alas, there was nothing but a sad sack of bushels to their wayside
and it was there, on the 62nd day, that yarvin did save his grandpa


Yikes.

Da 'Burbs

Today was an interesting day for me. After a late night, I had to wake up early (on a Sunday, mind you!) for a variety of activities. I was doing some volunteering over here, and I'm going to be doing some meetings over there. Not that I'm complaining. My day gave me a chance to explore a place that I go to half as much as I'd like to and not nearly as much as I should go to. The suburbs. The north suburbs. Today, Lincolnwood and Deerfield.

We'll start with Lincolnwood. I like it a lot here. I think of Lincolnwood as a crossroads of sorts. It's the gateway from the bustling city of Chicago to its more relaxed northern suburbs. There's some large malls, filled with gems like the Jewey restaurant, "What's Cooking?" and a bunch of shady motels. "River Park Motel" and such. My grandma lived in Lincolnwood for forty plus years, and her block was the source of my entertainment on the weekends, including but not limited to playing "Spy", Hide n Seek, and just straight up run in circles.

Unfortunately, Lincolnwood is getting older. This fancy graph that I totally made myself and didn't Google gives the population by age of the town and compares it to the state of Illinois and the United States:



Take a look at how Lincolnwood has more than double the percentage of people 75 and over than the United States, while only about half the percentage of 25 to 34 year olds, a key demographic in any region, city, town, village, or large tent encampment.

Lincolnwood definitely isn't a Jewish town, but there are a significant amount of Jews in it. Speaking from that perspective, a lot of families (like my grandma's) settled in Lincolnwood and other north suburbs in the '60's. Their kids (like my mom) went to suburban schools. However, a decent amount of those kids (like my mom!) either moved into Chicago or to a different city altogether.

Not to say that this a definite, universal trend. Plenty of people, Jews and non-Jews, are chilling in the suburbs. But the data from Lincolnwood illustrates this trend.

On the other hand, Deerfield seems to be doing just lovely. Here's another pretty graph:


There are definitely more 45 to 54 year olds in Deerfield than the national average, but then again, there are also more people aged 0 to 17. So it's possible that the 45 to 54 year olds are parents. Now I've been to Deerfield like 4 times in my life, but from what I understand, she's doing pretty well for herself. I"m heading up there in a few minutes, so I'll be making some important, pseudo-scientific observations. My reports will be available to the public, so keep your eyes opened.


Graphs source: clrsearch.com

Notable

This is a song that makes me happy: 

This song makes me sad: 

This song makes me calm: 

This song makes me angry:

This song makes me laugh: 

This song is one of my favorites: 

JUF : Teens : Meet the Teen Leaders : Noah Feingold

JUF : Teens : Meet the Teen Leaders : Noah Feingold